Sunday, March 28, 2010

How Will We Love?

Came across this absolutely wonderfully riveting documentary on the nature of human love. Do not miss it, it is called "How Will We Love" and it explores the idea of love and marriage in the human condition. The philosophy of love needs so much to be talked about in a world that fears commitment to anything for a long while, and where so many of us believe that marriages are not meant to last. Watch this documentary and let me know what you think!

Here are some amazing insights that I had after watching it and also truths that I had known beforehand that the documentary enforced:

1. The concept of romantic love is so recent. People did not marry for the long-term up until 100 years ago. The nucleus family is a modern concept, not something that was preached during the Prophetic ages! Back then everyone lived together in big joint families and you married into a family, not with an individual. As one expert puts it, "In those days if you got married your husband either deserted you or they died. Today that has been replaced with divorce."

2. Most people leave current relationships when it is going really really bad. And most people do not get into any relationships fearing the big bad world of monogamous commitment and as a Rabbi says, "Men are built to impregnate the world". This is a shame because most change happens in a relationship when things are bad and not many stick around to see that change happen.

3. The documentary interviews folks who've had breakups, are happy together, have been married for more than 60 years. It is surprising that the happy couples say that they have never really had a heated argument and have never yelled at each other, although disagreements occurred at some point. Two couples said that they would just forget about disagreements because they were more than just them individually. "You become one flesh". It seems to be that letting go is the way to go.

4. I was especially touched by the young woman who's parents got a divorce, and it really opened my eyes to what children go through to see their parents split up. Other young people commented, "We live in a society that disposes off anything at will. If we don't like something it is so easy to get rid of it." Another woman said, "Getting a divorce is so acceptable. It is like getting married is now dating and divorce is simply a break-up." Dr. David Harley says, "I read an article that said only 16% of divorces are amicable. The rest of divorces happen where the husband and wife completely hate each other." Why can't human beings connect in love anymore? It is a very scary prospect that most people will live out their lives in loneliness but put up a front of freedom instead.

5. The women's movement has had a big impact on the nature of love relationships. Women now have more sexual partners, they start having sex early and women are giving up the concept of exclusivity. Men are choosing to live the single playboy lifestyle which has led this is whole cycle of fear of being with one woman. The rules have changed regarding the dating game and sexual norms. "70% of men have had or will have an extra-marital affair" and a Billboard advertisement to says "Life is short. Have an affair." Its been established in research studies that the chances of infidelity are so much higher when a spouse has had multiple partners before settling down.

I might sound to you that I am making some sort of moral judgment on marriage and sexuality. But the truth is I am trying to get to the bottom of the statistics and a staggering divorce rate. What is happening here?

I do realize that we are always evolving as a human race and it is up to us what kind of world we create. But why then does it hurt? Why is it so difficult to move on for some? Why do our brain chemicals force us to think that we can win someone back after they dump us? This is what I know for sure: we all feel emotion and this will forever be part of our human experience no matter what new rules we create. And it will always hurt to lose love. And it will always make us feel outrageously joyful and alive to find and sustain love. Rules will change, emotions will not.

So what is the key to keeping it together? I still do not know! But this documentary may offer us some clues. What clues did you find?


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