Tarot Card Reading

Wow, its been a while since I blogged. Like 3 years! Welcome back to me.

I have been playing with tarot cards for a few months. I do not believe they are divine, they just assume your personal energy. It's your mind and heart that pick up on their messages. I hope you enjoy this reading I did for myself. It is a general reading using the Celtic Cross spread, the most popular tarot spread around. I have been self-learning about the tarot on LearnTarot.com. It is best to read for yourself, I can't imagine reading for other people, the messages are always so unique and intuitive to the specific person. But then again I am a beginner and have a long way to go. Anyway, here goes with my generalized reading.

CELTIC CROSS READING: Saturday, September 12th 2009, 11:30 p.m.
[For background on the Celtic Cross Spread go to Celtic Cross Spread]

The Core Situation

Card 1 (High Priestess): Heart of the Matter. The central issue in the High Priestess is reflecting my innermost desire for answers to the mysteries of my life. The High Priestess always reminds me of the person I am, someone who loves and hates with the highest intensity, someone who delves deep into life’s meaning through spiritual exploration, someone who believes that sometimes the answer lies in just doing nothing. I have always looked for answers from the inside, trusting my inner voice and intuition.

Card 2 (7 of Pentacles): Obstacles and Crossings. This is a hard card to read for me in this position of the spread. Traditionally this card symbolizes hard work paying off and taking stock of your accomplishments in earthly life. It is crossing The High Priestess which might mean I am not sure about what the manifested results of all my inner searching are so far. So I take it that the heart of the matter according to this reading is that “I am looking for my life’s joy but not sure if the answers are available, not sure where to look for them in the physical world, not sure where or when to stop in the search.”

Levels of Consciousness

Card 3 (King of Cups): Root Cause; Subconscious. Getting this card to represent the root cause of my central issue, which is the search for joy through spirituality, gives me the chills. I guess I chose this card because it represents a person I am looking for to bring me that joy. A family man; someone who is over-protective about family and has emotional stability with all the leadership qualities of a king. Hence the endless search for someone who is willing to offer his cup of love to me. However, maybe I’m going about it the wrong way. I’m searching on the inside when maybe I should be searching out there for once. Let’s see what the other cards have to say on this line.

Card 5 (Ace of Wands): Projected Future and Aspiration; Conscious Goal. Although the King of Cups is very much in my conscious mind, it is definitely the root of my central issue. My immediate goal is quite correctly expressed by the Ace of Wands, a desire for new ideas and sparks of inspiration to fill my day. My aspiration is to probably try to seek out new avenues of where my King of Cups might be eventually. But I guess this card is also telling me to invest in my other talents like writing and painting, maybe I need the motivation to pick up my wand and diversify. So at the ultimate level “I want to find my King of Cups” but at the everyday level “I want to find inspiration and ideas for my next painting or next book to keep me going.”

Past and Future Time

Card 4 (7 of Wands): Past Influence. The card for this position correctly describes my personality and attitude in general, that of defiance, never giving up, standing my ground, and resisting what the majority has to say on many occasions. I’ve always been this way in the past, openly hanging on to things that others normally wouldn’t. The reading is telling me that maybe I don’t need to do this anymore or that I am gradually losing this quality altogether. This makes sense when the card of the present is The High Priestess who is the exact opposite. She lets things happen and be as they are. I still have ‘defiant’ written all over me, but I’ve also decided not to run after things.

Card 6 (9 of Swords): Future Likelihood based on Current. This is a distressing card for a future prediction. However it is a minor arcana card which means it will not last for the long-term, and in all honesty I probably need to go through it. I am not surprised that in the near future there will be nights filled with anxiety, worry, depression, guilt, and self-loathing. The past indicates that I so badly wanted to do something about my central issue and take control, and yet as the present indicates I feel no amount of action can help and often hope for divine intervention. The eternal free will / destiny quandary has hit me and this will lead to a tough emotional roller-coaster of being in limbo.

Relationship Between Me and My Environment

Card 7 (3 of Cups): How I See Myself. How I Present Myself. It is no surprise that I pulled out the 3 of Cups, the card of partying and celebration here. In public I’ve always managed to portray a happy self, a care-free individual who lives for the moment and enjoys being the life of the party. In fact if I can’t be the life of the party, I wouldn’t go. I am exuberant around my friends and play down my emotional turbulences. This card is in complete opposition to the 9 of Swords which indicated utter joylessness. Talk about inner and outer moods, public and private behavior.

Card 8 (The Hanged Man): My Environment. How Others See Me. This position in the spread tells me what kind of environment and context I am currently operating in, and what the public opinion is about me. It is amusing yet flattering to see that those who know me see me being perpetually in my own world. I don’t have a care about what my future holds, where my next cheque will come from, or what my hair looks like. It makes sense the way I come across in the 3 of Cups is how I’m perceived as The Hanged Man, as someone waiting without aim, living each moment, knowing all materialism is impermanent, and letting go of my ego. I really should internalize my external self.

Likely Outcome

Card 10 (Knight of Swords): What Could Happen. Outcome. The Knight of Swords is who I might have as a final outcome. I’ve known several Knights of Swords in my life, which might mean someone from the past of this personality type might show up again or I will attract someone with these qualities yet again. Characteristics of this person are all about logic and reason and on the positive side they are direct and downright honest. However these guys can be rude and inconsiderate about feelings involved because of their aggressive nature. When the time comes whenever this person manifests I will have to ask, “Is this guy hurtful or helpful?” I sense that the outcome will involve an important choice I’ll have to make about this person’s role in my life, especially because of the bleak outlook the 9 of Swords gives me as a future.

Card 9 (Justice): Guide. What I Can Do. It seems like I always attract an unfeeling, unromantic, strong-headed Knight of Swords. Maybe I put too much emphasis on intellectual rigor or firmness in opinions as qualities that I need in a man. The Justice card is clearly telling me to balance my act. Ironically this card is the direct symbol of the Libran zodiac which I am, and thus is telling me to use my own sense of balance more. Maybe it is the time to seek out feminine and caring qualities in a man, which would do me justice in how I’d like to be treated. It’s time for me to be treated differently not being bombarded with opinions and facts but rather being showered with flowers for a change.

I will be trying to keep a 'Teach Myself Tarot' journal to delve more into the mystery of me and my own energy.. and of course just to have a bit of fun when I am not out making a living. If you are familiar with tarot and can give me an alternative reading of the spread, please let me know! m@mubeena.net.

Remembering 911

During my 6 years of studies in New York, I'd witnessed history made in the United States. I was around during the huge baseball world series, I had been around during the controversial Gore-Bush elections, and then of course 911. It was a chilling day around campus with TV screens all over showing news channels playing the scenes of 2 airplanes crashing into the World Trade Centre towers.

I remember where I was that fateful morning of September 11, 2001. I was jogging in Eisenhower Park with a friend of mine and had no idea what had happened. Back in my dorm room, I got a phone call from my aunt to check whether I was okay. I asked her why she would call so early in the morning from her office and she told me to switch the TV on. I could not believe what I was seeing and hearing. Immedietely I got the fright of my life upon hearing that domestic carriers crashed into the towers because my mom was bound that morning to New York from L.A.

Frantically, I went to work and saw a never-ending fog of deadly black smoke hover over the sky. My boss at work already started telling me that I was gonna face problems from now on whenever I travel back home, and then she asked me, "So do you think Osama Bin Laden did it?" I didn't know what the hell to say although went along with the stares of the rest of the people in the office and unconsciously said, "Yea who else could it be". Anyway, my mind was on reaching my mom and I called her countless times only to receive dead phone lines for the next 4 hours.

With the grace of God I got through to her and she told me that her flight never took off, and she was stuck at LAX. I advised her to stay on in L.A. for another week at my uncle's house and that it would be wise not to take any more chances. By the end of that day, I could not fathom it if my mom was in one of those planes and had a post-traumatic panic attack which subsided only though grateful thanks to whoever or whatever kept me and my mom alive.

911 rocked the earth and affected every life. I heard that a lot of our interns died that day and can't imagine how those people jumped off the tower to avoid being burned alive. America changed forever as we now talk about pre and post 911. From different people and organizations having a different view on what should be done to Ground Zero, to Mayor Giuliani turning from police force monster to city hero, the change was not only enormous but it was instantaneous. Organizations had to answer questions regarding the security of their employees, the FBI was no longer the intelligent agency it is supposed to be, and the Muslim community was subject to more prejudice and scrutiny than they had ever faced before. Individuals started questioning their beliefs, their values, their patriotism, and their security.

The sad but true fact is that we all start questioning ourselves only when there is significant harm done to us. Before another 911 heaven forbid, do what makes you happy right now and realize your potential today before you leave it for a tomorrow that may never be.

Find the Balance

You are more than you think. Stretch your mind and visualize all you can be in your life, what sort of relationships you have with those that matter most, and what activities you could be doing if you only managed your time better.

It is not easy to manage your life around the hours of the day when you are overwhelmed with emotional troubles or increasing pressure from all aspects of your world. So step back and make the right choices for YOU. Here are some questions I wrote about this weekend in my journal late at night:

What does "happiness" mean?
What needs to happen for me before 2010?
What do I deeply care about?
Have the last 7 days served my purpose as a human being?

If you've contemplated on the above, I salute you for your courage and discipline. If you are doing this for the first time, I'm with you all the way. Don't give up on the hope of finding your home ground truth.

It is so important to keep carving out your own philosophy of life, the way you see it from your eyes. This will give you all the self-motivation and energy you've dreamed of, so that your heart is always filled with content and satisfaction. This does not mean you can ignore being practical and realistic, as this is the other cornerstone of a successful self. Practicality without a sense of ethical purpose means very little, and having purpose without the will or the drive to execute it only means that your purpose isn't significant enough, or you have low self-worth.

You are more than you think. You have such great potential waiting to be actualized. You can do more with your life. Get more aware, get more confident, get more quality-conscious, get the love of your life, get more focused, get more of your dreams to come to life, get fitter, you can GET IT.

Find your fine balance and swing high.

Facing Anxiety

Just had another revelation while I was journaling this weekend. I was pondering about what makes me stop myself from doing the things that could change my life for the better, getting me closer to my dreams. The answer I came up with is that it boils down to one single emotion. Anxiety.

Think back to what anxiety feels like. The pain of rejected love, the sickness you feel when someone else gets that dream job, the death of your child, waking up to divorce papers on your bed.. these are a few scenarios that make us remember a gut-wrenching feeling that makes you wanna puke. These experiences imprint on us a permanent scar that affects our decisions later on.

Maybe we ought not to try and "get over" the feelings of pain. Time heals, but if something like this attempts to enter our lives again, we might be shying away from what could be the best thing ever. I have made a pact with myself to face my anxieties head on, and go after the things I think could make life beautiful for me. So what if I fail, so what if I get rejected, so what if I make a fool out of myself in front of the whole world, so what if I get hurt. Its so important to feel what you are feeling inside your heart of hearts. Running away from the prospect of anxiety is just a mere illusion of safety. Stay where you are and feel the truth penetrate your soul.

If you get hurt, feel the pain. Know yourself by facing your anxiety. The self-destructive behavior is to shy away from some emotion that you eventually have the power to control. The way to "get over it" is to face it and feel it, because if you run away, you will be caught and controlled by it. Go ahead and take that painful risk. You are the one in control.

The use for Philosophy

Continuing from the spirit of my previous post, I've come to realize that all the great philosophers of our time have had to deal with extraordinary circumstances in their lives. I've directly experienced the fact that triumph over adversity has been responsible for the greatness of any individual. It is highly unlikely that people like Mother Teresa, Mahatma Gandhi, and Nelson Mandela would have been the people they were if not for their adversities. Every challenge is an opportunity to claim your greatness. The lessons you need to learn come through the situations that life throws at you, sometimes when you're least prepared for it.

The question I'm trying to answer is this: how did philosophical thought come about? Socrates is known to be the first ethicist the world has ever known. His teachings were a response to his political trial and accusations of "corrupting the youth". Our troubles make us more philosophical, and one of the first questions we ask ourselves is "Why me?" I believe this question to the heavens, nature, God, or whatever you want to call it, has been the seed of the origins of thought.

A lot of students I've talked to say that there's no use to Philosophy. There's no proof for anything and conjecture is all you can succumb to. Its true! But individuals have become great because of their thought process and philosophies.

The ultimate philosophical question for me is "What is Real and what is right"? Philosophy might be useless and you might get lost, but ultimately you will find yourself in the questions you pose. Its no mystery why my tagline for this blog is Get Lost and Find Yourself. I truly mean it.

As human beings we posess a natural tendency to question, but there are few who stick to it. In fact, as we live out our days, we tend to resign to our fate. That's right, most people have already resigned before they even get to their first job.

How can we get to that point of questioning everything? You might laugh when I say this, but the way to start is to observe children. They are the most pure and non self-conscious beings. Yet, they differ from animals because of their inquisitiveness and curiousity. When I play with my little niece and nephew, I am more aware of my potential as a person. Children are the best role models because they are genuine, love to enjoy each moment, they wonder about a lot of things, and love asking questions because of their insatiable desire to know. Its high time we use our intellectual prowess to realize our child-like potential.

Thinking about Thinking

Reflection is not only about debating specific issues, questions, or ideas. The reflective exercise should also include thinking about how you think in the first place. Knowing how you think means that you are close to knowing who you are, and how you want to live your life. Your thoughts shape your life. The way you think is how you can control your destiny. Ultimate peace is knowing thyself. Thinking about my thinking today.

My thinking process has been significantly refined through reading books and professional journals. I've been reading ever since my first Nancy Drew book and ended up reading the entire detective series. I guess that could have been the start of my own detective story. Anyway, jokes apart, reading does refine your thinking. Vocabulary increases as you raise the level of the material you read, thus enhancing the quality of the ideas that get transmitted to your brain. My advice to anybody who wants to raise the quality of their thought process is to make it a daily practice to read material that is well-written, contains cohesive arguments that follow the rules of logic, and of course peeks your interest in such a way that it forces you to make choices about how positively you want to live your life. Another very important piece of advice is not to read trash. Trashy reading makes one lead that sort of life. (Ladies, by that I mean stop spending your precious time on fashion magazines that dehumanize your feminine spirit.)

My philosophical mind has been further affected by penning down my thoughts on paper. This does wonders if you're confused about a concept you wish to understand, disprove, or revise. I can't express the beautiful experience of writing and re-writing a logically coherent piece of work that excites your mind. Reading and writing sure do come close to that sublime mystical state of mind. Write it down and be aware of your feelings, the way you perceive your surroundings, and how you respond to people of diverse nature and background. Analyze yourself thoroughly (instead of analyzing your significant other most of the time). Writing about your day, your week, your moods, your relationships, your purpose, and your genuine experiences will get you to a renewed self-awareness. I guarantee that the quality of your thoughts will get better and better as a result of this constant self-validation practice.

Like reading, there is also a dangerous tendency to your well-being if you don't practice the writing technique the right way. You can write about whatever it is you are feeling, but yes I do believe there are some ground rules:

1. Do not use your personal diary to reinforce any subconscious beliefs that can lead to depression. In other words, 'don't drink when you're sad'. It is so important to be able to trace your moods back to their source, and control them. Don't ever let your personal diary become an excuse for self-pity.

2. Have a purpose to writing your thoughts down. Before you spill out your feelings in your journal, be sure to write out a compelling "question of the hour/day/week/year". This is a way to give direction to your writing. A challenging and exciting question will focus the quality of your thoughts into seeking your own right answers. A guiding question must force you to come up with an answer that satisfies you after you're done writing. Closure is essential in our thoughts as it gets us in final contact with reality.

For your thoughts to be crisp with logic and true belief, you must learn to still your mind. Focus and concentration are the most important assets the mind has for nourishment of the brain. One way is to still your mind. Meditation has been an age-old practice for centuries. With so many distractions and pollutions, it is wise to take the time out and sit alone in silence, stilling your mind so that it is refreshed when you need to turn it on. The name of this ultimate game is discipline. The next time you're driving to work, turn off the radio and attempt to think of nothing. The best way to think is truly not to think during the time you absolutely don't need to. So make time to be silent and absorb the vacuum. Your thoughts will be far more clearer at your 8 a.m. meeting.

The reason I've posted this entry is to send one all-important message: philosophical arguments are ultimately about the way you execute your self. Your body, the language you use, your mannerisms, the way you treat yourself, all reflect your thoughts. When you get to a higer conscious state of awareness, you'll be able to tell people's thoughts from just the way they come across. Your thought process reflects the reactions to your subjective life experiences. Think about it.

Banning the Burqa

The Dutch seem to be everywhere on religious blogs and news stories. They are now considering banning the burqa, one of many types of the Muslim woman's dress code. From the ReligionNewsBlog.com:

“This is an enormous victory for traditional Dutch decency,” said Geert Wilders, the populist member of parliament who first proposed the burqa ban. “The burqa is hostile to women and medieval. For a woman to walk around on the streets completely covered is an insult to everyone who believes in equal rights.”

Ok, how is a piece of cloth hostile to women who choose to wear it everyday? A note about the whole equal rights thing to our flying Dutchmen: The term 'rights' takes precedence over the term 'equal'. Every person's right as a human being only corresponds to the extent of his/her will. You have an individual right, which let's you demand for things only you will for yourself. When this translates into national rights, they must be available to all individual citizens of the nation. Availability of rights indicates available choices that citizens can consider to better their lives.

The 'security argument' fails at all levels as far as I'm concerned. We might as well have a law preventing us from having any clothing at all, if the case is to be made that little time-bombs can be hidden inside the veils of Muslim women. And, if Dutch security officials cannot adequately distinguish a man from a woman "hiding" under a veil, then I guess the voices of their women are too harsh and their breasts are too flat thus enabling them to blend in with their men folk. I guess that's why the Dutch are hell bent on "equal" rights. In their book, men and women have the same physiological and psychological make-up, women are as physically strong as men and men are as nurturing and emotional as women.

My opinion is based on sociological reality: men and women ought to be valued the same, but they are ultimately responsible of different contributions to society due to the way we have been socialized for centuries.

France wants to eliminate Sikh turbans. I do not understand why the rights of individuals are being curbed for the sake of some sick version of utilitarianism. When "equality" comes to mean "marching to the beat of one drum" I have a problem with it. What happened to modern western values of individuality? What about personal belief? Do we now throw it all out the window just because we now want everybody looking the same way? If covering your hair is medieval, as Geert Wilders so eloquently puts it, why don't we put all our nuns in jail for devoting their entire life to their Lord. Choices make people who they are.

Respect others' space first and then live your own life. You will be respected ten-fold.