A Message on Valentine's Day
It is here again, the dreaded V-Day. D-Day for many! "Will my boyfriend make plans with me to express his love or will he make an excuse of it?" or "Will my girlfriend please stop nagging me about taking her to an ultra expensive restaurant she wants to brag to her friends about?" What is this day for anyway. If you are curious about how this day got started, read about legends on why February is considered the month of romance: History of Valentine's Day.
For many Valentine's is a day of explaining your Facebook relationship status. Either you are single, complicated, in a relationship, engaged, married (are there any more options?). But what are you in real life? I personally know some of my Facebook friends who are "married" on their status but where real life stories either range from being unhappy, or the marriage has broken down within a few months but Facebook status remains the same because of shame, getting a divorce, the marriage is completely sexless, or they are indeed having an affair outside holy matrimony.
This was a side note. What I really want to talk about is why are people so disconnected is one, but also two, why are people obsessed with showing the world that they are part of a privileged group of human beings who have perfect and rosy relationship statuses? With each passing year, this is what I've been noticing Valentine's Day becoming. A day where relationships are put under the microscope and singles are supposed to feel like rejects who don't belong to a privileged group of recipients who are lucky enough to be validated by that thang called lovvvee.
See herein lies the problem. Human beings who are not aware of their own spiritual nature believe something unbelievable. They think that another human being would complete them and make them whole! So we are constantly in search of our 'soul mate' or a life partner who is destined to be our 'other half'. This is the biggest lie ever propagated by our socialization, our media, our movies, our romance novels, and our dating experts. My message is loud and clear: You are complete in the way you came into this world because you will be taking back just that when you depart. You will not be taking your house, your money, your career, or your husband/wife to your grave.
I was at the bookstore the other day and noticed Sylvia Browne's book 'Insight: Case Files from the Psychic World'. I was just flipping through it and randomly read a line from some page (BTW, I usually do this to see if a particular book is meant for me, pretty unscientific I admit but I'm also a spiritual warrior of some sort). It went like this: "If you ever come across someone who seems not to need a relationship or says that they don't need a man or a woman in their life, I guarantee you they end up with the most meaningful, intimate, long lasting relationships ever." Why? Because they're already complete by themselves. They appreciate everything they have and accept their strengths as gifts and know that their weaknesses are their human side.
Here is the spiritual side of things. We are more than our bodies, and we are believe it or not more than this life. So any person who wants to join us in our earthly existence is welcome to do so provided they add to, rather than take away from us, our purpose and joy. I find it frustrating when married family members advise me on needing to find a mate to be happy, or how marriage is about compromising what you would have done as a single person. Why do we need to give up our joys or purpose? It is sad that most people give up many things when they are married simply because they don't know how to arrange their time, and don't know the art of outsourcing. My sense is this is why the 60% divorce rate is not a surprise.. people giving up what they are meant to be and do on this earth.
So on this Valentine's Day whether you are single or not, I urge you to feel complete in yourself. You can never be more than what you are, because significant others are risky propositions. They change, they die, they move on, and so do you! Let your significant other realize it too so they can be complete in themselves and they can let you be you. And then experience your relationship in a new way when you tell them, "If you'd like to join me in my joyride come along but please know that I love myself first and that I am already complete."
For many Valentine's is a day of explaining your Facebook relationship status. Either you are single, complicated, in a relationship, engaged, married (are there any more options?). But what are you in real life? I personally know some of my Facebook friends who are "married" on their status but where real life stories either range from being unhappy, or the marriage has broken down within a few months but Facebook status remains the same because of shame, getting a divorce, the marriage is completely sexless, or they are indeed having an affair outside holy matrimony.
This was a side note. What I really want to talk about is why are people so disconnected is one, but also two, why are people obsessed with showing the world that they are part of a privileged group of human beings who have perfect and rosy relationship statuses? With each passing year, this is what I've been noticing Valentine's Day becoming. A day where relationships are put under the microscope and singles are supposed to feel like rejects who don't belong to a privileged group of recipients who are lucky enough to be validated by that thang called lovvvee.
See herein lies the problem. Human beings who are not aware of their own spiritual nature believe something unbelievable. They think that another human being would complete them and make them whole! So we are constantly in search of our 'soul mate' or a life partner who is destined to be our 'other half'. This is the biggest lie ever propagated by our socialization, our media, our movies, our romance novels, and our dating experts. My message is loud and clear: You are complete in the way you came into this world because you will be taking back just that when you depart. You will not be taking your house, your money, your career, or your husband/wife to your grave.
I was at the bookstore the other day and noticed Sylvia Browne's book 'Insight: Case Files from the Psychic World'. I was just flipping through it and randomly read a line from some page (BTW, I usually do this to see if a particular book is meant for me, pretty unscientific I admit but I'm also a spiritual warrior of some sort). It went like this: "If you ever come across someone who seems not to need a relationship or says that they don't need a man or a woman in their life, I guarantee you they end up with the most meaningful, intimate, long lasting relationships ever." Why? Because they're already complete by themselves. They appreciate everything they have and accept their strengths as gifts and know that their weaknesses are their human side.
Here is the spiritual side of things. We are more than our bodies, and we are believe it or not more than this life. So any person who wants to join us in our earthly existence is welcome to do so provided they add to, rather than take away from us, our purpose and joy. I find it frustrating when married family members advise me on needing to find a mate to be happy, or how marriage is about compromising what you would have done as a single person. Why do we need to give up our joys or purpose? It is sad that most people give up many things when they are married simply because they don't know how to arrange their time, and don't know the art of outsourcing. My sense is this is why the 60% divorce rate is not a surprise.. people giving up what they are meant to be and do on this earth.
So on this Valentine's Day whether you are single or not, I urge you to feel complete in yourself. You can never be more than what you are, because significant others are risky propositions. They change, they die, they move on, and so do you! Let your significant other realize it too so they can be complete in themselves and they can let you be you. And then experience your relationship in a new way when you tell them, "If you'd like to join me in my joyride come along but please know that I love myself first and that I am already complete."
posted by Mubeena Mohammed at 3:25 PM
3 Comments:
The first thing that I did today (after switching on my laptop) is to read your blog about Valentine's Day (thanks to Buzz). Believe me, I really liked what you said and your philosophy is so true. Since yesterday, on every TV channel everyone was bragging about expressing love on valentine day and celebrating it like Eid or any other festival. Why? why to express love on specifically 14th Feb? All these Desi guys know nothing about it and just following the celebrations aimlessly.. (not to mention, trying to express their TRUE love to as many gals/guys as possible..) [ I envy.. ]
Well, you are so right in saying, "Human beings who are not aware of their own spiritual nature believe something unbelievable."
Btw, this is my first time to read your blog. You are too literate :)
Cheers
Asad
well said.
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