Post-Valentine Revelation

Things are definitely looking up for me (a wise man said that when things are way down there is nowhere else to go but up!). Work is picking up and the fruits of my self-belief are coming to be. I am more busy now than most times and actually making myself a decent earning. But then I dreaded V-Day where everyone seems so happy and in love with their significant others, even though many if not most relationships lack foundation.

I was pleasantly surprised finding a website that was commercial enough but personally lifting. The site was LoveTactics, and they're selling a 'system' based on human behavioral principles and the psychology of romantic behavior. They claim to have helped a lot of people get the 'one you want' by applying practical behaviors in the quest for being loved by the one they love. Wow you can make money teaching people how to fall in love! So naturally I was curious as to what exactly went into it.

I especially loved the article they had on how to handle rejection. There is a simple technique one could employ which uses rejection to make a new start with your partner.. it is not the end! Now that gives hope to someone who's been dumped. Rejection should be treated much like a hiccup I suppose. The key is to react in such a way that the rejector party is boggled out of his/her mind at the unexpected way you deal with it in his/her face. I remember when one of my ex's just didn't see eye to eye with me anymore, I begged and confronted him for an explanation. All he said was "Don't you see it in my actions? I don't need to say anything to you." That was one of the most hurtful things ever, although he was one of the most unique people I've ever met (his story will be the subject of another blog entry.. Rick will always be in my heart). Now according to this LoveTactics thing, I should have just smiled and said something like, "oh ok so that's cool you don't think you're right for me. Would you like to continue on with a friendship?" Upon which, I should have disappeared off the face of the earth as far as he was concerned. People want you more when you are available less.

Anyhow, this Valentine's Day was quite a revelation for me.. this site gave me a crash course in love in the 21st century where mind games and subtle behaviors rule the land. Love according to the founders of LoveTactics Chuck Woolery and Tom McKnight is made of three fundamental attributes: Friendship, Respect, and Passion. If any of these are missing, there are bound to be cracks in your relationship. Its so simple, and yet people miss these all the time. So yep. Chemistry is not ALL what you should look for.. coz it dies down in no time. Passion needs to come with commanding high respect from the other person in the way they treat you, and he/she must be a friend which means being there by your side for 24-hour support (not suffocation).

So go ahead and analyze your past relationships. I bet they didn't have one of these three essential ingredients to a lasting and true connection. Although I don't ever regret what I've said or done in the past, if I simply known that rejection is not the end and in fact it almost always can be created as a new beginning I might have scored more points in the game of love. I'm older and wiser now to realize that not all marriages are made in heaven as we have to work at them here on earth first! And earthly love may be nothing more than a series of behavioral interactions, conversations, and physical friction that excites the core of your personality. So maybe we should shift our perception of love from being a supernatural thing that will happen for sure and that rolls without a hitch, to something that works only when you play it right and take the lead role.